The Adventures of a Shy Girl

A year later and I still cannot get over the amount of pain this one girl gave me…this is getting ridiculous..

I was bullied. Manipulated. Ridiculed.

I was fine with it as long as I had my friends by my side. I mean, not everyone in the world is going to love you…and I accept that. 

I wasn’t going to say anything..and I never wanted to even give thought on the huge mess of it all…but I guess this is one thing that I’m never going to be able to shake off.

It all started in Grade 8. I befriended a girl that everyone said wasn’t worthy of starting a friendship with because “she’s weird, and a selfish suck up.” Mind me, I didn’t befriend her out of pity. I just disregarded those comments because I thought they were full of crap. This person and I have become quick friends due to our many common interests including boys, music and French. 

I’m not the easiest person to make friends with, and I know that. I’m picky and I can be insensitive at times to things that most girls would take important. However once I choose to befriend someone, I truly trust them with my life. That’s my weakness- I trust people with my everything. This girl, took that to her advantage. 

As high school rolled around, I started noticing it. She would start teasing me (with my deepest secrets and insecurities) in front of new friends I’ve made, boys I’ve had crushes on and even teachers. I also felt really used. When alone she would make me feel like I was one of the most important people in her life, however once she saw her other friends, she would leave me without a word, however expect me to just stay there waiting for her to come back like a dog would wait for his owner. I was dumb though..I let that go on for a full year..and I’d go home crying every night not knowing what to do. I’d watch people laugh at the little snarky jokes this girl intentionally made about me..and just scream in my head….because I had no idea how to react. I did, at one point tell her I really did not appreciate it and that it really hurt me. Her only response was to “calm down” because “it’s just a joke.” Sometimes she’d even deny having intentionally humiliated and crushed me.

In grade 10, I finally mustered up the courage. I just completely left this girl….I felt torn..depressed..and had lost all self esteem. I was extremely unhappy about being in the high school I was in…and I felt alone. I needed to be away from her…and I know it probably upset her too in some way shape or form because we truly were close and shared similar interests….it upset me that I couldn’t be there for her when she needed someone to talk to but I decided it was for the best because at that point I really felt like I was driven to a corner. 

By grade 11, things changed. We both had completely different friend groups..however our love for French had made our worlds collide. We mutually decided to start over. I was up for being her friend again because I truly did love her like a sister and cared about her. It was definitely awkward knowing the past had happened…we were not as close as we were the first time we were friends…but that was fine. However, then came the lies…what made it awkward was that she would tell some of our friends and not me or some others…the MOST AWKWARD PART was that we were all fully aware that she was lying. It really hurt to know that she could lie in my face. However, I simply told myself I had lost that status to even know secrets about her….so I simply sucked it up. Things got worse when we had the same teachers some times. She would intentionally step on me in front of them….and obviously the teachers wouldn’t know because they would assume it’s just a joke..I hope. She would make me feel so little in front of others…and extremely like an outsider. It still gives me chills to this very day….I remember the multiple times I wanted to run out of tutoring especially because of how awkward, upset and betrayed she had made me feel. The one thing that hurt me the most though, was not her spilling all my weaknesses to the public..but her pride and selfishness. You have no idea how much I didn’t want to believe this…or even say this…because this is just about the bitchiest thing I’d ever say about her…but she truly let that get in the way of our friendship, trying to salvage everything for herself…the one thing I would never understand is why she had to lie to me about doing the speech. Essentially our teacher gave us the opportunity to get a mark boost if we did a speech…I obviously wanted it. I then asked her if she was going to and to that she responded no. A day after having done mine, I got a text from a friend during class time. I guess she felt bad for me that this girl was going behind my back and she felt it was kind of weird so she decided to tell me….apparently my friend DID plan to do the speech. It was awkward because I happened to be on the way to visit my teacher. I will never forget that day I walked into the room…with all those blank stares at me…you could tell there was tension in the room…that everyone knew something I “didn’t know”……….man….I don’t even know how to feel. And the best part was even after having done the speech, the girl refused to tell me she did it…but told my other friends she didn’t tell me because “it was for the best..she didn’t want to make me upset and scared that she, the expert, did it too and wanted me to have my best chance.” PLEASE. Like in my mind I was just thinking…save your heroic speech for someone else. Like thank you so much…..but no thanks..if I win…I want it to be out of hard work. 

Things really did start going downhill…I did not want to be near my friends….nor my teachers for the matter. In fact, the more I was with my teachers, the she bullied me with my weak points. She got people to laugh at me….at all my insecurities and to this day it still hurts like hell…especially to know that she was the one that did that to me. There was a point in my life where I just wanted to tell myself I would stop talking to all these teachers forever. I was done being bullied by this girl who just seemed not to appreciate the fact I was talking to her teachers. It went to the point she would lie to me about having to go to the washroom during lunches just to sneak off to see them without me there….like please..just tell me … I don’t give a fuck about these teachers. Like just….whatever just stop hurting me was all that was in my head that year. All I thought at this point was that I trusted her…..too much…..and I’m never going to trust anyone like this ever again.

I deleted her off all social media after graduation. It was definitely a nice break…then one day recently she messaged me, asking me why I had deleted her………….we’re Facebook friends now……but I don’t even know how to feel about this anymore……..

Jun 27

Well aint that a huge jump step!

Apr 4
5. Being the official second year rep for French Students association

Evidently being a leader is not my cup of tea. I fear the responsibility of having to uphold my fellow teammates as well as members and I fear having to be crazy peppy all the time. It’s just never been my thing. I’ve recently applied to be a second year representative in a French students association though…so that’s new. I figured..if I’m gonna join French clubs, I might as well be part of the head of it being that I’m so passionate about having good events for it. Yolo? 

Mar 16
4. Signing up to be part of a students association

Learning to change the lives of others.

Feb 7

For my mom. For always being there with me. I seriously think we’ve gotten even closer throughout the past holidays.

Jan 11
3. I am grateful
Jan 11

(via my-teen-quote)

I am currently trying to love, even those who may have angered me. 

Jan 11
2. Love

I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to start the conversation with others that I do not know. Speaking in groups of people is not something I am readily able to do because I have a fear of saying something wrong and being judged for it. 

Jan 11
1. Step out of comfort zone